It's a choice

My husband decided to write a guest blog today.  
I feel so fancy having a guest blogger like I'm important or something. Hee hee
He sent this to me and it made my day.  
It's not about working out or losing weight.
It's about how much he appreciates what I do.  
He's such a good writer!
So here's to all those stay at home moms out there.
Hope you enjoy!


I find it hard to answer the question, “So what does your wife do?” It seems cliché and old-fashioned to say, “My wife is a homemaker” or “My wife works at home.” I don’t picture myself as a 2014 version of Don Draper, and Shelby definitely isn’t my Betty Draper. There’s another answer to that question, but it just sounds downright lazy, “No, my wife doesn’t work / doesn’t have a job.” The fact is: she works. Her job is regularly harder than mine. It requires careful planning, enormous amounts of patience and a nearly unlimited willingness to give of herself.   

The dad work-mom home arrangement might sound 1960s cliché. But in reality, it feels very modern. Shelby actually had three professional jobs before I had my first one. She was the main breadwinner for nearly seven years before our move to Germany more or less forced her into the homemaker role. We’ve been lucky (and maybe smart) enough to be able to craft a decent living off of one main paycheck. In a day-and-age when a family of four generally requires two cars, individual bedrooms, some outdoor space, tv, internet, fun money and everything else, that’s not an easy task.  Shelby working at home also saves us daycare costs, which we found out this year, would run about $2000/month for both kids full-time. Her “other” job would have to pay quite a bit to justify that cost. 

What’s more, we once had our son in full-time daycare. What we both came to realize is that neither of us saw him for 10 hours a day. If you include sleep hours, we actually saw and interacted with our son for about 3 hours a day during the work week. That felt less like a family and more like a collection of people living together. There was one point when we moved back to the U.S. when we contemplated Shelby going back to work, and I asked the question, “Are we sure that we want to be away from our kids for 10 hours a day?” The question wasn’t intended to make her stay home, even though that was one of the consequences of our decision. The question forced both of us to examine our priorities when it comes to our kids. That, I think, is the hallmark of a modern relationship. In the 1960s, custom dictated familial roles. In 2014, your priorities and values have a much greater influence over who does what in the family. 

So when I’m asked what my wife does, I answer, “She’s a mom.” She’s not even a homemaker, but for me that has more to do with keeping the house clean and the laundry done. Those are chores, and work—if you can manage it—shouldn’t be a chore. Being a mother is her profession at the moment. Will that change? I’m almost certain of it. That’s the modern piece; become who you want to be in the moment and find work over chores, no matter what custom or tradition say.

~a loving husband. 

 


Peace,

Shelby